Isaiah 11:2-4 And on this child from David’s line, the Spirit of the Eternal One will alight and rest. By the Spirit of wisdom and discernment He will shine like the dew. By the Spirit of counsel and strength He will judge fairly and act courageously. By the Spirit of knowledge and reverence of the Eternal One, He will take pleasure in honoring the Eternal. He will determine fairness and equity; He will consider more than what meets the eye, And weigh in more than what he’s told. So that even those who can’t afford a good defense will nevertheless get a fair and equitable judgment. With just a word, He will end wickedness and abolish oppression. With nothing more than the breath of His mouth, He will destroy evil. The Voice
Assumption Is The Broad Path
It is so easy to form an assumption of someone by what you see at the surface, but that is not living deep, that is living with a non-truth, a personal reality called an opinion. Most people in this culture live very busy lives, so their people contact is very surface. All assumptions are formed from living life on the surface, from hearsay and from what breezes through and shortly meets the eye. Assumptions are formulated quickly, without a lot of thought, time or knowing and they usually ride on the wind of speculation, giving air to the wings of gossip. An assumption is the first step towards disunifying relationship. It is crazy how much of what we allow our minds to mull on is assumption and how many emotions are formed and stirred into a frenzy by speculation, something that is devoid of the reality of truth. In order to preserve our family unity, we personally need to change it up, to being a person who does not practice the evil of assumption, we give it no place in our lives and no influence to destroy our family unity.
“The practice of deep listening is the practice of open inquiry, without assumption or judgement.” ― Sharon Weil
Assumptions Are Not Truth
With families and extended families scattered all over the place, you maybe get to spend 5 to 10 days a year with family and from those few days, maybe 10 days out of 365 days, we make assumptions and of course they are very wrong. An assumption is never right, because it is not based on truth that leads to knowledge, it is speculation and tends to devalue our experience, which is meant to lead to wisdom, not the foolishness that comes out of presuppositional assuming. When you make an assumption about a family member that turns into a judgement of their character, without doing life with them the 355 days of the year, but out of the 10 days a year, you are never right. Of course, assumptions have that negative course, that transitions into devaluing people. If you notice, an assumption never really leads into the positive, it is pretty much always devaluing, because it is the enemy’s playground. Anything that is not wholly-holy true is a lie. Period.
1 Peter 1: 13-17 So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that’s coming when Jesus arrives. Don’t lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn’t know any better then; you do now. As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God’s life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, “I am holy; you be holy.” You call out to God for help and he helps—he’s a good Father that way. But don’t forget, he’s also a responsible Father, and won’t let you get by with sloppy living. The Message
Family Unity Disrupter
One of the things that plague family unity the most, where the enemy gets his foot in the door the most, is assumption. How can you truly know how a person lives, if you are not in their skin? Can you feel their inner attitudes or even know them? How can you know their heart motives? How can you know their intentions? Can you see into their inner heart? Do you know their thoughts? How can you truly know them? Only God does. Assumptions are not facts and they very rarely turn into facts. Assumptions not only devalue people, but they devalue God’s creation. Assumption spoken, is pure gossip. There is no other rationalization. Gossip is very likely rooted in jealousy, comparison and a poor self-image that needs to boost itself up by tearing others down. God created us to add value to others, not devalue them. Assumptions devalue and gossip tears down. What you think you know, very often is not the reality of truth and living by what you think you know is sloppy living. In our family living God wants us to live better, to be best.
James 3:14-16 If your heart is one that bleeds dark streams of jealousy and selfishness, do not be so proud that you ignore your depraved state. The wisdom of this world should never be mistaken for heavenly wisdom; it originates below in the earthly realms, with the demons. Any place where you find jealousy and selfish ambition, you will discover chaos and evil thriving under its rule. The Voice
How The Enemy Rolls
Jealously, assumption, gossip, judgement, this is how the enemy rolls over us and through our tongue and actions. We devalue our family member based on what we see 5 days a year, but the 360 other days are never brought into our evaluation. This is a trick of the enemy, because His plan is to steal, kill and destroy families. It begins with the tiny flame of a spoken assumption, and rages to a wildfire of gossip, to a judgement that leaves ashes in the place of family relationships. We have to guard our hearts against this, there have been way too many families that have fallen prey to the slow fade of disunity that begins with assumptions. Let’s make a commitment to change this up.
Then Job answered and said: How long will you torment me and break me in pieces with words? These ten times you have cast reproach upon me; are you not ashamed to wrong me?” Job 19:1-3 ESV
Love God ~ Love Others
How many of us have lost family relationships that began with one assumption? I know I have. I have fallen into that trap and I have made judgements based on listening to assumption and gossip. I have lost relationships over something I was not even sure was true. So, believe me, I have been there and done that. One way to stop it cold in its tracks is to confront it with the Word. God asked us to love well and that has it’s beginning in loving God, being in vital-vertical relationship with Him, giving Him total access to our life by listening up and being directed by Him. God also asked us to love each other. Two things that are inseparable are loving God and loving others, let us be so in our families, let us be best in love.
“For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:14 ESV
If there is a person who assumptions are flying around the family about, through the vehicle of gossip, what should we do? We should follow after the Word God has set forth, live wisely in His Wisdom. Common sense says, don’t talk behind the back of another person. This will stop gossip in its track, at the get go. If the person is not there in the group where everyone is talking, don’t talk about them, don’t formulate assumptions by the say-so of others, when all you would have to do is go to that person and talk to them yourself. Assumptions isolate family members from one another and they usually tear down and devalue, not just that person, but our whole family unit. One person isolated by gossip is the recipe for a disaster to our family unity.
“But the LORD said to Samuel, Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7 New Living Testament
Hit And Miss Speculation
If you are in a group of family members at a family gathering, and you are talking about another family member, you are creating a divide and isolating others. That is just pure simple truth. Gossip is a sloppy behavior that we need to steer clear of if we want a healthy family unity. Let’s be responsible in all of our family conversations. It is never right to isolate others by gossiping behind their back with the rationalization that “they need help” and we need to be the ones that help them change. Usually this happens at family reunions where a speculation is formed by an assumption that was made of 5 days of worldly viewpoint, out of the 360 days that they live their life apart from you. You can’t be right about someone when you theorize about their lives from a few days a year of being with them. If you don’t do life with them, don’t live near them, then you don’t really know what you think you know, nor do you have the right to judge them by a few days of family gossip. Family gossip is really a pride trap, we think we know people, but we don’t really know all about them, the fullness of their comings and goings unless we live life with them on a consistent basis, and even then, our speculation is hit and miss. Only God knows. We only see in part, God see’s in full, so we should take our concern to God and put our expectation in Him. If we really want to share a prayer need, we should do it with God first, then we will know for sure it is prayer and not gossip.
“Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” Don Miguel Ruiz
Our Enemies Trickery
Think about the trickery of the enemy. He gets us to make assumptions about family members when we are together with some of them, only short periods of time each year at family reunions. There is no way we could truly know how they live their lives based on this short of time, especially when at family vacations, family reunions and family weddings, no one truly is themselves. There is not really a good assumption because there isn’t an assumption, which doesn’t dead end in devalue. Assumption is never really a good strategy if you want to make healthy relationships and if you are operating in speculation, it only leads to gossip. Gossip destroys family unity in that way only the enemy of our family can devise. The truth is, we don’t live in other people’s skin, we don’t live doing life with them throughout the year, so how can we speak out an assumption about what they do or don’t do and it be true. It is just pure gossip. Here is a real reality of truth that debunks a really big lie of our enemy: It doesn’t benefit the family to help another family member behind their back. The sin of gossip can’t produce value or family unity, it can only distract us from unconditional love and disrupt our relationships in that highly stressful, strife the enemy loves.
“Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” John 7:24 ESV
The Enemy’s Playground
Once we step out on the enemy’s playground of assumption, we are in for a wild ride that usually leads to damaged reputations, relationships and family unity. This is the enemy’s goal. Assumption is just the beginning of his divisive plan. The enemy wants to label people with devalued titles. So, from a mere 5 days being together with our family, we make a deduction, an assumption, that devalues someone’s reputation as we talk in secret. These little gossip circles isolate others, as we speculate about them, behind their back, cementing in people’s minds an untruth. The worst part is the person being assumed about, does not even get to defend themselves or straighten out the crooked place that an assumption carves out for them to walk through. Their reputation is labeled, devalued from a 5 day assumption, and not from a 360 day life that is lived honorably. Think about it, how many family members have we labeled with something we “thought” was true? If we dare to look back with the eyes of God’s heavenly hindsight, we will see the pattern of comparison, jealousy, assumption, judgement, labeling, and devaluing. This is the enemy’s way of stress, strife and stealing family unity. Don’t underestimate the power of an assumption. We don’t really know what we think we know about each other in our family, we have no clue what they really are growing through. God Does.
“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” Henry Winkler
God’s Way Is Godly Relationship
What is God’s way? Well it begins with a vital-vertical relationship with God, where we stay wholly-holy aligned with Him. If you find that deep satisfaction in your relationship with God, there will be no comparison. Comparison is a trap because we were all uniquely made by God, we will not be alike, we don’t even have the same fingerprints. That speaks volumes in itself. We will never find an increase in our self-value by comparison, trying to be taller than someone else, trying to stand out above others and be the center of attention at all times. This is not God’s way. Comparison just leads to jealousy. Our enemy uses comparison to directly devalue and tear down the uniqueness of a person’s God shaped personality and gifts and to stop the flow of them into the family. Why do we need each person God divinely placed in a family? Because all of our gifts fit together, all of our personalities fit together to make a beautiful whole. All families are shaped specifically by God as unique individuals, making a beautiful whole to bring God glory.
“Before you assume, learn. Before you judge, understand. Before you hurt, feel. Before you say, think.” Verybestquote.com
Jealously Is A Storm That Damages
Jealousy opens the door wide for all those things the enemy loves to plague families with. Jealousy is the enemies play area and it hides in your heart, it is masked by pride and a bucked up will, and it builds a strong wall that isolates family members from one another. Jealously is a destructive storm and it has the ability to completely a family; there is no way of rationalization around this fact, it is just a harsh reality of truth. The vehicle of jealousy is isolated gossip groups. Isolated gossip leads to labeling others outside of the group and furthers the enemies plan of division. A family will not be compartmentalized, when the common denominator is Jesus Christ. God’s living word alive in each family member, assures an atmosphere of unconditional love. Compassion, mercy and forbearing always flows out of a wholly-holy alignment with God. If you have no compassion, no mercy in your heart, you have no self-control in your life and the enemy will use you to bully the soul of others. The Holy Spirit alive in us, will direct us to tear down the walls of isolation where gossip thrives. If we talk about a family member behind their back, we are being used by the enemy to devalue, isolate and cause disunity. If we look at our heart close enough, we will find jealousy, the bitter root of family division. The death of jealousy begins as we live our lives faithfully, in vital-vertical relationship with God. Personal unity with God, assures there is no jealousy working in or through us. Each family member’s relationship with God is vital to having a healthy family unity. We are far less likely to disrespect, dishonor and devalue other family members when we are in a personal relationship with God and His Word is alive in us. We are more likely to respect, honor and value others, when we are standing on the side of God’s Truth and our lives are a standard of righteousness. Live Awe of God, in a vital-vertical relationship with Him and family unity is good.
Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are windows on the world. Scrub them off once in a while or the light won’t come in. Alan Alda
It’s A New Day
Let’s make it a new day in our family life. If we basically say no to assumptions, speculation and gossip, we shut down the enemy’s vehicle of devalue and decrease isolation between each other. Over all the years of family life, I know looking back with “heavenly hindsight”, I have made stupid assumptions, foolishly gossiped, unwisely speculated and made bad judgements, wrongly labeled, isolated and devalued others, and caused family disunity. I am working with God towards a goal of “No Assumptions” the only voice assumptions will get is a voice of prayer, as I lay them down to God and ask Him to let His light of truth be revealed in the darkness. Only God knows the fullness of truth, we can’t even begin to know another person’s heart or motive like He knows. God knows, and when we let that be enough for us, we can grow through, patiently endure, and persevere with each other in our family relationships. Forbearance is God gifted when we live spirit to Spirit with Him, when we acknowledge His Presence in all of our ways.
“Don’t jump to conclusions – there may be a perfectly good explanation for what you just saw.” Proverbs 25:8 The Message
The Truth To Light
Pray It Up. Prayer is one of the stabilizing foundations of family unity. Let’s make it a priority to form a spiritual habit of praying for our family members, calling all their names out to God, listening up to God for how we can encourage them, and add value to their lives . Change never begins with the other person, it begins with us. If we are critical about someone else, we need to look in the mirror first, make sure that same reflection of impurity we are blaming others for, is not staring back at us. Look at the word blame carefully and notice this: Be Lame. When we confront and tear down another family member in front of others, we are tearing at the fabric of our family unity. Make a commitment to God to not speak assumptions or to not gossip about what you have been speculating. One step further is always good, so be the person in the family who exposes all gossip, bring the truth to light by giving the person who is being gossiped about the voice of truth; the opportunity to take the label off that has been wrongly put on them. A gossip circle will stop if someone has the courage and God accountability, to break it up and bring the isolated, labeled person into the group who is talking it up about them. Nothing stops gossip in its tracks, like the reality of truth that we can’t gossip about a person if they are brought into the midst of the circle. Tear down the walls of secret gossip, by being inclusive of everyone, enlarging the territory of your family, and by not breaking up into the same groups of creature comfort and isolating others. Stretch the boundaries of your family relationships, be inclusive, this is where truth and light reign in that unhindered, miraculous way.
Philippians 2:3-5 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit through factional motives, or strife, but with an attitude of humility, being neither arrogant nor self-righteous, regard others as more important than yourselves. Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this same attitude in yourselves which was in Christ Jesus, look to Him as your example in selfless humility. The Amplified Bible
Through Jesus’ Eyes
God is challenging our family life actions, asking us to change it up and say no to comparison, no to jealousy, no to assumptions, no to gossip, not to speculation, no to labeling and judging others, no to devaluing, and no to being a part of family disunity. I pray we all put our “YES” on the table with God, to put God and His way first. God hopes for us to put others first, before ourselves, being interested in them, leaning into the things they like and enjoy our family members and extended family members. This is why He divinely put us together. Jesus wanted us to love, encourage and care for one another. Let’s make a point to shake off all past labels and judgements, peel them off from the forefront of our eyesight and see our family members through the eyes of Jesus. There is no better perspective than God’s point of view.
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19 New International Version
Say YES To God
Let’s each one of us say “YES” to God and enjoy the individuality He has created in each of our family members. Wouldn’t it be great if we took time to truly get to know each person by their unique God giftedness? Honor is a missing piece of our family unity, let’s reinstate it and respectfully honor each other for the exceptional contributions every person makes to our family unity. It would be amazing if we learned to embrace and celebrate the uniqueness of each other, accepting every member of our family for their God-given personality, even if it is different from ours. In a family where unity is strong, you will find this family treats difference not as bad, but as good. Say “YES” to God and add value to every life in your family, forbearing and growing through with them, looking for the good in them, instead of highlighting their mistakes and labeling them with dysfunctional titles. Say “YES” to open hearted living, loving unconditionally, and keeping isolation out of your family life. Grow through your family relationships to a strong family unity, with God at the center of the all of our everything.
Proverbs 3:5-12 Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! The Message
No Longer Enticed
Put your “YES” on the table with God and be that person in your family that adds value by living truly, loving truly and being truly God’s in the all of your ways, even family reunions, where the temptation to compare, assume, gossip, label and isolate is always there. Confess your failure of the past, put it behind you and step out in your family today with Jesus, Who does know every family member, every hair on their head, everything about them. God placed us in our specific families and intermarried us, creating extended family, and it is our responsibility to not control everything and everyone, but to trust God with each one of our family members, He’s got them. Make a commitment today that comparison, assumptions, gossip, labeling, judgement, isolation, dishonoring and disrespecting stops here in your family with you first. Draw a line in the sand and say: ENOUGH, enemy of our souls, this stops here with me. You will not entice me any longer into your enemy playground, you will not use me to devalue, disrespect, isolate or divide. Done. We can begin by getting into God’s Word, praying and asking the Holy Spirit to lead us to a new Kingdom perspective, to His way of family life. We will hope every day for God to wholly-holy align us with His will and power, equipping us to be used to add value to our family unity. No Comparison. No Jealousy. No Assumptions. No Gossip. No Labeling. No Judgement. No Isolation. No Disrespect. No Dishonoring. No Devaluing. “YES” God, I will add value to my family, I will strengthen the unity of my family, I will compassionately, honor, respect and love my family in the power and strength of Jesus. Let it be so.
The Bridegroom’s Café is such a great place to eat a spiritual nourishing meal for your soul. Thanks for stopping in today. This meal on the Family Table today, “Family Unity”, was especially hard for me to prepare. I am nowhere near being able to live it, but I hope to be. I will pray before this meal, eat the wisdom prepared for me and hope this soul nourishment gives me the passion and energy to be everything God ordained me to be in my family. Please share this with other families, it is definitely an incredible meal of God’s Wisdom for restoring, keeping and equipping us for the family unity He designed and hopes for us to enjoy. There is no better way to learn and grow than listening up to our Bridegroom’s Voice, every day hearing the valuable truth of His Word. I highly suggest you take a journey with Jesus through the book, The Bridegroom’s Voice, it will change up your life, no doubt about it. Purchase a copy today and start your God Adventure to knowing God’s Voice better and being best. KimberlyMac, Author
